I’ve heard of that idea being called Backward Design, Begin with the End in Mind, etc. It is very instructive that your husband mentioned clear goals. I think that is a prerequisite for any kind of achievement. Maybe to self-regulate better we should set very clear goals with a clear series of steps to attain them. Don’t ask me to define “clear” however, that’s another can of worms.

I’m just thinking aloud here, but possibly the clear goals limit the overwhelming task of trying to do everything at once. The paradox of choice is pretty much minimized. I’d love to hear more about his strategies for goal setting. I suspect it is an automatic process for him, a lifestyle more than some kind of formal operation that he has to consciously think about, a habit basically.

More why questions. Why don’t more people show up with self-regulation as a top 5 VIA strength? Why, when so obviously effective, didn’t evolution select more for the self-regulatory? Why, in short, is it easier for some to regulate themselves and for others a big task?

JD

Kathryn

Interesting question about what does self-regulation feel like inside. I know what it feels like at my distance — sticking to things no matter what can seem a bit inflexible. But that’s what he does. He has a list for the day of things to do that is always arranged according to priority and when it has to be done. Since he avoids carbs, he doesn’t even taste the cookies he bakes to send to our daughter - I guess the making is the pleasure, along with the vicarious pleasure from thinking about her enjoyment. Also he has found ways to substitute other pleasures for the ones he avoids. We’ve both found that avoiding sweets makes piquant and pungent foods more appealing. He exercises relentlessly, but has collected a certain set of books that will stay open for use on the Nordic track and a backlog of probably 15 years of travel, science, and art history videotapes from PBS that keep him interested while he rows. With respect to chores, I think we both tend to always be thinking “How could I do this better, more efficiently, with fewer steps, using fewer resources …” — which means there’s an element of invention that is always sparking the mind. He has a chant that he performs as he goes out the door .. Wallet, watch, keys, hat, change, list ….

I guess I should ask him! But replacing forbidden pleasures with others that are still acceptable, associating something pleasant with each must-do activity, and building habits must surely be some of the self-regulation pie ingredients.

Kathryn

Jeff, I’m really big on good examples of self-regulation. Even more broadly than what you bring up, I’d say that good examples of anything that we are reaching for - are very helpful. For some people, that may be motivation. For others, goals. Yet others, spirituality. And others, self-regulation. According to Prochaska’s cahnge model, in the early stages of change, people may be more convinced by examples than by theory or philosophy or action steps.

I am curious, have you ever ask your husband who is strong in self-regulation, just what goes through his mind when temptation threatens to derail some kind of goal pursuit? Just how does he do it?

Collecting Self-Regulation stories would help clients with low self-regulation, which is an extremely common and costly problem in modern society. Almost any addiction you can think of has self-regulation failure as a possible cause.

If learning self-control is a buildable skill, then wouldn’t it stand to reason that by hearing stories of successful self-disciplined individuals maybe there would be potential for transfer?

Goal setting defines quite clearly What you want. Self-efficacy tells you that you Can do it, Self-regulation Keeps you doing it. A stable of good self-regulation stories and metaphors would boost any effort to train others in self-regulation.

I like Park’s metaphor of Baking a Flow Cake. What does it take to Bake a Self-Regulating Pie?

As to the point about language, people in the business world in particular can get too hung up on what “profile” or “type” they are (or think they should be), when actually the usefulness of many psychometric tools is as a starting point for a development/coaching discussion. So I couldn’t agree with you more, Kathryn.

Bridget