Comments on: Let’s Talk about Sex

By: jeffdustin

jeffdustin — Tue, 04 Dec 2007 20:38:18 +0000

Has anybody read the book Pornified? Porn has had a tremendously powerful influence upon the average person’s sexuality and I’d like to see an article about positive psychologists discussing porn, while we are on the sex theme. Can pornography be a meaningful, victorious and engaging experience rather than as Iris put it above regarding sex, “merely pleasureable”?

I’ve always thought it funny how some forms of sexuality are taboo and others are sanctioned by culture. Oral sex, for example, comes and goes in popularity. A good wife in ancient Rome never had fellatio with a man, but purchased sex toys routinely. There are dildos in their fine artworks, so clearly shame was not an issue regarding sex toy usage.

I was reading in the Primer on PP that frequent sex is largely correlated with happiness. What kinds precisely, Chris? Can casual sex have a place in a positive lifestyle? Are we referring to monogamous, long-term sexuality? (Can I ask any more questions in one paragraph)???

What if your partner is poor at intercourse? Do you still get the happiness boost? Is, as Seligman put it in AH, there a point of diminishing returns? I hope that subfield of Positive Sexuality takes a pivotal role in answering these kinds of questions, because I bet that I’m not the only one wondering.

Who is probably happier, the Dalai Lama who abstains or a sex addict who indulges copiously but meaningfully, everything else being equal?

By: Iris Marie Bloom

Iris Marie Bloom — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 06:48:02 +0000

Yay! Thank you, Cassie, for encouraging positive psychologists to drop the coyness on this topic. Sex is a natural, though complicated, topic for positive psychology as a field to explore. One of my hopes is that sex will not be viewed pejoratively as “mere pleasure,” since the spectrum of sexual experience touches on much that positive psychology holds dear: relatedness, love, joy, hope, commitment, resilience, creativity. It is my view that sexuality and spirituality are closely, perhaps inextricably linked, and that as we come to understand this better we will get a better grasp of people’s real needs. I even think that the obsession with commodities and consumer goods — and the tendency to turn sex into a commodity — emerges partly from people’s needs for sex, intimacy, spiritual connection, and community not being met. When those needs are met, people don’t need vast quantities of things. In any case, Cassie, thank you for opening the dialogue, and it’s about time!

By: Jeff Dustin

Jeff Dustin — Tue, 27 Nov 2007 09:00:46 +0000

[Harry and Sally discussing orgasms]
Sally Albright: Most women at one time or another have faked it.
Harry Burns: Well, they haven’t faked it with me.
Sally Albright: How do you know?
Harry Burns: Because I know.
Sally Albright: Oh. Right. Thats right. I forgot. Youre a man.
Harry Burns: What was that supposed to mean?
Sally Albright: Nothing. Its just that all men are sure it never happened to them and all women at one time or other have done it so you do the math.

By: leonard waks

leonard waks — Tue, 27 Nov 2007 01:51:49 +0000

Good sex is one of the most pleasurable experiences imaginable. Your are so right to urge positive psychologists to speak frankly and seriously about, and with humor.

There are dark sides to sexual pleasure, however, which no doubt have much to do with anti-sex attitudes and prudery.

First off, exciting, even thrilling, sex is not necessarily associated with good relationships. Sex (good or bad) may be a microcosm of a relationship OR it may simply BE a relationship. When powerful sex exists in an otherwise shallow or indifferent relationship this rarely leads to happiness.

Second, regardless of statistical associations, many couples find their relationships deeply satisfying even after strong sexual interest subsides. Making too much of the importance of sex has been known to CREATE dissatisfaction in one or bvoth partners, leading to infidelity and the eventual destruction of the relationship.

Positive psychology’s role might be to both

a) express pro-hedonic attitudes that encourage sexual pleasure, and

b) express pro-relationship attitudes that assist those in otherwise satisfying relationships to see that they have much to be happy about and much to lose by breaking these relationships up merely to search for better orgasms.

By: Bridget Grenville-Cleave

Bridget Grenville-Cleave — Mon, 26 Nov 2007 20:38:08 +0000

Excellent posting Cassie. There seems to be a lack of research on “positive relationships” in general, not just intimate ones, so well done for raising the subject and raising the bar!