There’s one line that keeps me from dwelling on the negative when difficult things happen in my life. It’s the moral of a story my dad told me when I was growing up.
Here’s Dad’s story as he told it.
“A guy is driving through the desert when one of his tires blows out. He gets out of his car and pops open the trunk to look for a spare tire and a jack. He sees the spare, but there’s no jack. “Oh s*#&!,” he yells. ‘I’ve got to walk back to the gas station I passed five miles ago!’”
“So he starts walking. ‘I hope he has a jack,’ he says to himself. Half way there he mumbles anxiously, ‘He better have a jack.’ When he’s almost there he growls, ‘That son of a b#@t% better let me use his jack!’”
“Minutes later he finally arrives at the gas station. He’s hot; he’s frustrated; he’s fuming. He sees the station owner in the garage and he walks up to him and says, ‘Hey buddy! You can just forget it! Keep your g#@ d@% jack!’”
“He turns around and walks five miles back to his car…with no jack.”
And then this is when Dad looked at me, smiled, and warned: “Don’t build a Jack Story.”
Dad believed you gain nothing by obsessing on the worst things that could happen in a situation. Why invest all your energy in imagining only scenarios that end poorly? Not only do you make yourself feel terrible, you still have to deal with the problem at hand.
Psychologists Karen Reivich and Andrew Shatte wrote about the perils of catastrophic thinking in their book, The Resilience Factor. “For many people, their anxiety takes over and they catastrophize – they dwell on a current adversity and within a few minutes have imagined a chain of disastrous events stretching into the future.”
Reivich and Shatte outline an effective five-step method for countering catastrophic thinking. Here’s what they suggest. (1) Name your adversity and the worst-case things you believe could happen as a result. (2) Evaluate the probability that each of these events will happen. You’ll see the odds are long against any of them coming to pass. (3) Next, think of the best-case scenarios possible. They should be so unrealistic that they make you smile, or even laugh. You want to break your “doom and gloom” thinking. (4) Now that you’ve plotted the extreme cases – you’ve identified the worst and the best possible results – focus on the most likely outcomes of the adversity. (5) And then with your new-found perspective, come up with a solution to remedy the problem.
The bottom line is that we all experience setbacks. Unfortunately, we often forget to look at these situations like even-tempered Sergeant Joe Friday – “all we want are the facts” – on the classic television show, Dragnet. Instead, we turn into Chicken Little and say, “The sky is falling.”
Martin Seligman, best known for his research on learned helplessness, learned optimism, and his role in founding the science of Positive Psychology, believes that pessimism rarely serves us well. Seligman summarized the result of over twenty years of research on pessimism in his book Authentic Happiness: “Pessimists…are up to eight times more likely to become depressed when bad events happen; they do worse at school, sports, and most jobs than their talents augur; they have worse physical health and shorter lives; they have rockier interpersonal relations, and they lose American Presidential elections to their more optimistic opponents.”
Remember Seligman’s research on pessimism: It doesn’t pay well. So follow Reivich and Shatte’s advice to counter catastrophic thinking.
And just remember what my dad said, “Don’t build a Jack Story.”
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David J. Pollay, MAPP, is a syndicated columnist and an internationally sought after speaker and seminar leader. David is the founder and president of The Momentum Project, an organization dedicated to increasing the positive momentum of its business clients. Email david@themomentumproject.com, or call 561.265.1165. David’s bio.
David writes on the 2nd of each month, and his past articles are here. |
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21 comments
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David,
A whole new spin on Jack Tales!
I thought you meant the folklore tales where Jack fools the giants — http://www.ibiblio.org/bawdy/folklore/tales.html
It also reminds me of some advice printed in our employee paper back in the first gas crisis years ago: Why haul your spare around all the time? You hardly ever need it!
I think a giant wrote that advice.
Kathryn
Hi Kathryn,
Great site on “Jack Tales” Kathryn! As we talked about last month, it’s fascinating how some of the most important guiding principles in our lives first came to us – and continue to stick with us – through stories.
Have a great rest of the weekend!
David
Great story and point, David. Our thought processes can be so ingrained and automatic. Good to be reminded we have the power to change them. First step is awareness. Thanks!
Thanks, David, really enjoyed this story!
David–this is a great story that I’ve forwarded along to my co-workers. Currently, we’re building a team of innovative thinkers who are trying to go out and change the world, and we don’t want them to be limited by anything–especially not themselves! Thanks!
Hi Tamara,
Thanks for the post Tamara! It is great when we can uncover our limiting beliefs and habits, and replace them with ones that help us.
Best to you,
David
Thanks Senia! It’s always great to hear from you!
Best to you,
David
Hi Katie,
I can feel your energy! Your team is lucky to have you!
It is fascinating to set ambitious goals, and then figure out what beliefs and thoughts we must have in order to achieve them. What we do is made possible by our thinking.
Have fun with your great work!
Best to you,
David
David,
Great story! I will be sharing this with our team to provoke some deeper thinking.
Keep up the great work - enjoy your material very much!
Bob
David,
Another great story. I really enjoy the research you reference. It really adds weight to the truth that your Dad oviously already has a good grasp of.
I sure can dig this atricle. So often I must remind myself as well as others not to make a Jack story out of certain situations. And boy does it work. On behalf of all of us story builders let me say, Let’s keep our noses despite our faces. (plus, memo to myself: make sure the Jack is still in the car)
Hi David,
Thanks for this very practical article. Seeing the negative in a situation and focusing on it seems to be the human condition. We are lucky to have these well researched articles from you. You show us the way; it’s like turning on the light. Many thanks and keep them coming. Lillian
Hi Bob,
Thanks Bob for your post and support. And thanks for sharing the idea with your team!
Best to you,
David
Hi Chris,
Thanks for the post Chris. Dad is not a scientist, but his advice sure lines up with the work of Reivich and Shatte (and also Seligman). It’s a wonderful thing to be able to tell your mother and father, “your advice all those years was not only good, it’s now scientifically grounded!”
Best to you,
David
Hi Mikey,
I’m glad to hear this approach to working through catastrophic thinking works for you. And thanks for spreading the word. And I love your “note to self!”
Best to you,
David
Hi Lillian,
Thanks for your support and post. It’s so easy to dwell only on the negative; it’s liberating to know that there is always another way to look at a situation. Thanks again for writing!
Best to you,
David
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