I loved your article! As a parent of recent college andh high school grads, I keep saying, “I wish I had known all of this when my children were young.” As your story and your mothers’ comment so beautifully remind us, there’s an art to this and most of us probably get some of it right much of the time. Positive Psychology helps greatly to reinforce our best instincts and to show us new paths when we need them.

Thanks for the lovely article,
Christine

It’s like a great professor at business school - John Roberts - once said, “You don’t know what you don’t know.” And that’s ok too!

Thanks, Gloria,
Senia

The more time I spend talking to parents, and sharing some of the things I learned through positive psychology, the more encouraged and empowered I feel.

Thank you again!

Gloria

I like your model. First we teach our children what unconditional love means by modeling it for them. Then we give them opportunities to practice on our own imperfections! Another reason imperfections are important in parents!

Kathryn

This is both heartfelt and scholarly, thoughtful and beautiful. Your mother is right about the “art” part (I have two kids), and sometimes you do mess up being a parent. Setting a good example helps.

My daughter, who is 19, remembers something my husband and I told her often while growing up: “We love you even when you are difficult, and even when we are difficult, too.” Recently when we had a disagreement she said it back to me. It made it difficult to stay angry!

Life is not always easy, and there is no one perfect way to do things. Love and respect help make it possible to transcend the bumps along the way, both big and small.

Thanks for sharing ways that Positive Psychology works in everyday life

I agree with your mother — don’t overthink it too much. Perfection is not required. In fact, I think perfect parents would be a distinct handicap. Where do we learn our first lessons about differences in point of view and differences in strengths? What do we push against to become independent?

My mother once told me that the only people who think they have being a parent really figured out are parents of a particularly compliant only child. (Since she has 5 children, she certainly learned otherwise.) The rest of us relearn humility all the time because our children keep surprising us with new problems that don’t match anything in the books and we have to make up answers as we go. Hey, that’s what makes it such a great adventure.

One succinct piece of advice I learned from Miss Manners, many years ago. Question: “How do you teach your children to say please and thank you?” Answer: “You nag.”

One other thing I’ve learned is that home can be the place where it is safe to express the negative emotions that a child holds in all day. So expect some nasty weather along the way, and know you are being the refuge. That’s a form of reframing that has really served me well.

Kathryn